Grief over the death of a loved one doesn’t just go away one day. You don’t wake up suddenly, however many moons later, and think ‘Well gosh, I’m no longer bothered by this hole in my heart.’ Oddly, grief is comparable to the journey of living with Alzheimer’s and other dementias: ‘good days and bad days,’ as so many caregivers describe their spouse or parent over the course of their diagnosis. Some days come with difficult moments, other days are just…easier. Sometimes there’s no rhyme or reason for the difference.
Heddie Dawkins, diagnosed with dementia several years ago, had good days and bad days. The good days were extra special. “One of our favorite places to go was to The Berry Patch [in Ellerbe],” her son Bert Dawkins of High Point, N.C. recalls. “At least once a month, just go get ice cream and catch up – just me and her. Was kind of like a mother-son date thing. We would just ride, and we would laugh and we would talk all the way down there. We would sing gospel songs.”
Heddie’s upbeat, community-driven personality shined bright on her best days. She was a mother to five children – Anthony “Bert,” Edward, Teresa, Rhonda and Angela. The devout woman of God and former school counselor was known for her people-first, service-to-others approach in life. She changed careers midlife, going back to school for her master’s in order to help young minds. Bert says grown adults far removed from their hormonal, ‘pimply’ teen years stop him to talk about his mom’s impact on their lives.
“She loved working with children. I could go on and on and on about it, but she loved kids. She wanted to give back and everybody that knew her loved her,” Bert said.
Heddie’s bad days were just that. But in the middle of the night in late August 2022, an otherwise bad moment turned into six days of panic, eventually ending in devastation. Heddie had been living with her daughter and primary caregiver, Angela Dawkins, for several years. Angela had implemented layers of in-home safeguards to protect her mom. Yet on that night, as most of the world slept, Heddie got up, walked out of her house and was unable to manipulate the door to get back inside. Confused, she wandered off and could not find her way back home.
Six in 10 people living with dementia will wander at least once; many do so repeatedly.
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An entire community was determined to find this beloved woman and secure a happy ending. A Silver Alert was issued, drones and helicopters were utilized and searches encompassed all hours of the days, whether it was family members or tactical municipal and state-provided search teams. Every possible stop was pulled out to try and locate the 81-year-old and bring her home safely. “The response was amazing. People came from all walks of life. It was one of the few times that race didn’t matter, age didn’t matter. People came together in this community like you would not believe. It was hundreds to hundreds of people working as one,” Bert recalled.
Unfortunately, after nearly a week of looking for Heddie, her body was discovered about half a mile from her home in a wooded area. “I firmly believe that God used her for His purpose, and His purpose was to bring our community together.” Bert said, “And He revealed her when he was ready for her to be revealed. We could have had a million people looking for her, but until God was ready to show her she was not gonna be found. I find comfort in that.”
As if to tell to her family, friends and the searchers that she was at peace, Bert remembers a vivid double rainbow that appeared in the sky right over his mother’s house in the hours after learning of her passing. His photographer brother snapped a picture of the colorful sign, later photoshopping in an image of Heddie and her late husband, who passed away nearly four years earlier. “You couldn’t write a better ending to see the double rainbow,” Bert said. “It was just a beautiful confirmation of where she was at, that she was okay.”
As he stepped back and reflected on how his mother’s disappearance solemnly, yet remarkably brought together so many strangers, Bert Dawkins quickly channeled his pain into newfound passion and purpose. Within a few weeks of Heddie’s death, Bert learned about the Alzheimer’s Association’s upcoming Walk to End Alzheimer’s in Guilford County. Despite the fact he was wearing a boot from recent foot surgery at the time, Bert made it his mission to not only participate – but to use it as an opportunity to educate other caregivers about his mother’s story.
“We do it to honor my mother, but we also do it ‘cause we don’t want anybody else to go through this,” Bert said. “Never in a million years did we think we would be in this situation […]; our mission is to help as much as we can help. To get the word out as much as we can get the word out, to raise as much money as we can to help. ‘Cause we do not want other people going through it.”
Bert admits he was not familiar with the Alzheimer’s Association prior to his mother’s death. In fact, he and his siblings didn’t even know the Association’s signature color. So when their Walk team, Miss Heddie’s Kids, showed up in custom made t-shirts for the October 2022 walk, they were gobsmacked to see their mother’s favorite color splashed all over LeBauer Park in Greensboro. “She loved purple and lavender,” Bert explained. “We were so stunned.”
What’s more, Miss Heddie’s Kids came in as a top 10 fundraising team for Guilford County in 2022 in such a short amount of time. Most teams begin ramping up fundraising efforts months before their Walk, but Bert and his team accomplished what they did in just days. It certainly shows the profound impact of the heartbreaking story that unfolded about one year ago. With more time to prepare this year, Miss Heddie’s Kids, a name that pays homage to what most of her school kids called her, are hoping to yet again be a top 10 team for the 2023 Walk to End Alzheimer’s – Guilford County on October 7 at First National Bank Field. Their goal this year is to raise $5,000, and they are already well on their way to achieving that.
The pain of this first anniversary stings for the Dawkins family, unquestionably. The second, third, seventh and twelfth years will likely sting just as much – some maybe more than others, but the underlying pain never leaves. “Ninety-nine percent of the time I’m great. On the way home this morning I started thinking about her, but I wouldn’t let my mind go there because it was it was thinking about when she was missing,” Bert explained. “I said, no, I’m not gonna go there today, I’m not. I’m gonna think on happier times. She was just a jewel. Everybody loved her.” The hole that Heddie Dawkins’ death left cannot be filled, but the Walk to End Alzheimer’s has created a sort of purple cushion around the empty space, protecting it and providing Bert and his family an outlet for their grief. “[The] Alzheimer’s [Association] has been therapy. It really has. It’s been a good therapy,” Bert said. “It’s been a healing process for us. Talking about and speaking about it actually helps me.”
LIKE BERT AND THE DAWKINS FAMILY, WE ALL HAVE A REASON TO FIGHT FOR A WORLD WITHOUT ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE. Join your local Walk to End Alzheimer’s today as an individual, team, or sponsor.
The Alzheimer’s Association hosts 17 walks across North Carolina. The Alzheimer’s Association Walk to End Alzheimer’s is the world’s largest event to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer’s care, support and research. Since 1989, the Alzheimer’s Association® mobilized millions of Americans in the Alzheimer’s Association Memory Walk®; now the Alzheimer’s Association is continuing to lead the way with Walk to End Alzheimer’s. Together, we can end Alzheimer’s.
| Alamance County | 9/30/2023 |
| Asheville | 10/14/2023 |
| Charlotte | 10/21/2023 |
| Fayetteville | 10/28/2023 |
| Gaston/Cleveland/Lincoln | 10/14/2023 |
| Guilford County | 10/7/2023 |
| Henderson County | 9/30/2023 |
| Iredell County | 9/23/2023 |
| Jacksonville | 10/14/2023 |
| Moore County | 9/30/2023 |
| Mount Airy | 9/9/2023 |
| New Bern | 10/21/2023 |
| Rowan-Cabarrus | 10/28/2023 |
| Unifour (formerly Hickory) | 10/28/2023 |
| Triangle (Raleigh-Durham) | 10/7/2023 |
| Wilmington | 11/4/2023 |
| Winston-Salem | 11/4/2023 |
Alzheimer’s isn’t stopping and neither are we.
AUTHOR:
Madeline David
Madeline is a former TV news reporter & anchor who got involved with the Alzheimer’s Association in 2020. She volunteers her nearly decade-long experience as a journalist to honor her late grandfather, who had with vascular dementia.
Alzheimer's Association North Carolina Blog 