Born in Puerto Rico, Josephine “Josie” Torres and her family moved to Brooklyn, New York. She had many jobs, at one of them she worked as a seamstress. “Mommy used to make our clothes,” offers Nashaba Pledger who lives in Pfafftown, North Carolina. “They each had a label that said ‘Made With Love by Mom’ or ‘Made With Love by Grandma’ for the grandchildren.” Josie was also very crafty and did a wonderful job of providing for her children. “I remember I wanted a Gucci bag so bad when I was in high school, and my mom was like, ‘I’m sorry I don’t have it, but I’m going to figure it out,’” recounts Nashaba. Someone had previously given Josie a spool of leather, so Josie made Nashaba a bag. She laughs, “It wasn’t a Gucci, but it was a ‘Josie-ucci’!” Subsequently everyone wanted a bag like Nashaba’s, and Josie ended up making them for the people in their neighborhood.
“My mother was the strongest person I know,” begins Nashaba. “I’m the baby of nine children!” Nashaba adds that many referred to her as a ‘change-of-life baby’ since her mother, Josephine “Josie” Torres, had Nashaba at age 40! Born 11 pounds, 9 ounces and 23 and a half inches long, Nashaba’s birth was in the newspaper. She adds that she was basically the size of a two month old. Josie often recalled that Nashaba looked like a Thumbalina Doll when she was born because she was so chunky and couldn’t see Nashaba’s eyes for weeks. Josie lovingly referred to Nashaba as a tumbling doll as she experienced many falls as a toddler, “Mom always said what saved me was the shape of my head. ‘It was shaped like Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. so I would always be destined for greatness!’”
As Nashaba and her siblings (the ones that still lived at home) grew older, Josie (then in her late 40s/early 50s) began to work with the Board of Education, specifically assigned to the duties of parent coordinator at the preschool (four-year-olds). Nashaba shares that during this same time frame at home, Josie became forgetful and developed severe mood swings. At the time, Josie attributed her forgetfulness to ‘silly mommy brain,’ or her heightened behavior to her being Puerto Rican. While still a child, Nashaba knew that was not normal. Josie had also begun watching television shows like “Jeopardy” or “Wheel of Fortune.” Nashaba shares that Josie remarked that she needed to keep her mind busy and not let it go to mush. Josie took up Sudoku puzzles and her crafting increased. She read Spanish short stories otherwise known as ‘cowboy’ books and listened to music. The day that Josie could not remember who picked up one of her students from the preschool; however, was the cold realization that sent shivers up Josie’s spine. She knew the child was picked up but she had no idea the name of the person who had. Josie immediately retired from the school, as she was afraid to put one ‘her babies’ in harm’s way. Nashaba adds that was such a scary moment for her mother, in that she knew she was responsible for those children while they were in her care. After that incident, Josie went to the doctor. “We believe mom knew there had been something wrong with her for quite a while,” shares Nashaba. “The doctor’s visit and the subsequent brain scans confirmed her diagnosis of early-onset [also known as younger-onset] Alzheimer’s disease.” Josie was in her early 60s by this time.
Josie’s behavioral changes escalated. “This disease absolutely destroyed our family,” sighs Nashaba. “It strained our relationships with our mother as well as with each other.” Members of the Torres family — one of Nashaba’s sisters primarily — cared for Josie at home, but not without frequent cyclical visits to the hospital, rehab, and home for years. Her ongoing battles with urinary tract infections seem to spark her outbursts of hurtful words, most of which were targeted toward Nashaba.
“For the longest time, I had a hard time going to see my mom,” states Nashaba. “She was such a beautiful woman.. Listening to her to say all of these hurtful things to me was more than I could withstand, and I avoided her.” Nashaba admits that neither she nor the other members knew there about the Alzheimer’s Association or any resources to help them in managing their mother’s journey with the disease and she sure wishes that they had. Josie was also a very private and independent woman and struggled with asking for help which made it more challenging for her family to care for her.
Josie Torres lost her battle with Alzheimer’s disease in 2021, but not without making amends with Nashaba. “You know it took a while, but I was able to develop some emotional maturity,” offers Nashaba. “It was really hard, but I was able to accept the fact that the disease was the reason my mother said such hurtful things to me.” Nashaba had married a minister and moved to the Poconos. She admits that she experienced growth both spiritually during her time away in a different environment. Nashaba also became familiar with the area’s Alzheimer’s Association and it was a helpful resource in better understanding her mother’s behavior. She had gotten word that her mother was on a steady decline, and we as a family made the decision to bring her home. Nashaba is very grateful that she did. She had the opportunity to visit with her mother during one of her final lucid days in which they apologized to each other for all the hurtful words said and expressed how much they loved each other.
The heartstrings of Josie’s memory recently tugged at Nashaba, becoming the motivation behind looking for a Walk to End Alzheimer’s in her community, and how she discovered the upcoming Walk to End Alzheimer’s – Winston Salem. As the captain of Team Josie, Nashaba shares that she’s looking forward to participating in her first Walk taking place on November 4. While she has participated in other charity walks, this one is special in that it’s for her mom. “Not only are we going to walk for my mom, but also for everyone else who has been affected by this horrible, horrible disease,” asserts Nashaba. She believes the Association and the Walks provide an effective support system for families that experience the Alzheimer’s journey. “Just educating people on this disease is very important,” says Nashaba. “People aren’t familiar with it even though Alzheimer’s has been around for a long time.” She adds that her sister felt so isolated while caring for their mother and no one ever came to see how she was doing or if she needed anything. Looking back Nashaba laments over the fact that her sister had no respite or outside support. The Association provides the environment such that no one should face Alzheimer’s or another form of dementia alone.
“I remember my mom saying this to me when I was about 12 years old,” concludes Nashaba. “‘Every child has a purpose. When I get older each of one of you [my children] will be assigned a duty to help with my care.’” Nashaba shares that her mother tapped Nashaba to act as her brain. Nashaba was amazed that her mother realized she was not well and had enough forethought to secure her affairs while she was mentally able to do so. Josie had prepared letters signed and notarized prior to receiving her Alzheimer’s diagnosis. “It was my decision to bring our mother home from her final stay in the hospital.” Since her passing happened during COVID, Josie’s body was cremated (per her request) and a small memorial held. Josie was indeed the matriarch of her family and her loss has been hard on the family; however, her spirit inspired Nashaba’s family to gather in Puerto Rico, taking their mother’s ashes and releasing them. “We find comfort in knowing Josie is in heaven, probably playing cards, listening to new music, you know entertaining her friends.”
With their dedication to honoring Josie’s memory, Nashaba and her siblings are continuing to prove that they were all ‘Made With Love by Mom.’
LIKE NASHABA, WE ALL HAVE A REASON TO FIGHT FOR A WORLD WITHOUT ALZHEIMER’S DISEASE. Join your local Walk to End Alzheimer’s today as an individual, team, or sponsor.
The Alzheimer’s Association hosts 17 walks across North Carolina. The Alzheimer’s Association Walk to End Alzheimer’s is the world’s largest event to raise awareness and funds for Alzheimer’s care, support and research. Since 1989, the Alzheimer’s Association® mobilized millions of Americans in the Alzheimer’s Association Memory Walk®; now the Alzheimer’s Association is continuing to lead the way with Walk to End Alzheimer’s. Together, we can end Alzheimer’s.
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